Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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