yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I skipped work to stalk him.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My dick has a subreddit
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
