my soul wont recognize me after tonight
This house was built for laser tag.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
