mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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