I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
im holly from the hills drunk
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
