dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
