I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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