There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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