he puts the penis in happiness.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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