Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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