Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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