I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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