Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
