4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
