And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
