Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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