After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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