toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize