Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
