Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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