And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
