a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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