Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My vagina is very pro this idea
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
