If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize