Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize