Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
