Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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