I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
