So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
