i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
