Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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