I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
