In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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