I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
