It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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