i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
