i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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