Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
