Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dick has a subreddit
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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