i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize