I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
