Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
