Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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