ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
