I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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