$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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