so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you had me at cake vodka
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
