dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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