the day after is always just damage control
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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