what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
