my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
