U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
