Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
