I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
