The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You may now shotgun with the bride
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize