if you like me you must not know who I am
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
