I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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