i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
