I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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