i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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