My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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