Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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