I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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