you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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