so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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