I'm gonna have a badass scar
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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