just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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