Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
