he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
