Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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