and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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