Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
