This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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