mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
