Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
