you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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